What do you associate with the word "Asian?" Besides "violin & piano", "math TAs", and "MSG", there's a special way of being polite in communicating with another that comes with being Asian.  For example, sometimes people will say good things about you even when they don't like you that much.  Other times when they actually mean to say those good things, you're supposed to say, "oh no no, I'm not that good." As part of the package of growing up, I've learned to take people's words with a grain of salt, especially if it's a compliment.  I've also subconsciously become accustomed to interpreting things through the lens of my culture, unfortunately, I must confess, even things of God.  When I hear that God loves me, that I am precious, that I am beautiful in God's eyes, a part of me interprets it as God is being polite, he doesn't want to hurt my feelings so he lets me tag along in the salvation plan.  But God is not Asian, He doesn't need to be polite, He's the perfect communicator, He knows my deepest thoughts and sees my ugliest sides.  And God is love.

"open up my heart and let the healer set me free."

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I've decided to create an alternate home for my public thoughts in China here: http://meetmeinbeijing.blogspot.com/
Last time I was in China Xanga and I think blogger were blocked, but hopefully I can bypass that via either a VPN or posterous.com. 

I hope the year will be hard (but survivable) or else I would comeback and have learned less.  What I must learn before it's too late is talking loudly and talking out-loud. 

I heard that the temperature in BJ (Beijing, not Barnes Jewish) was 39.6C (103.3F) today.  In comparison, the weather in NY is so much nicer - the sun makes sure to show its face everyday, but like a celebrity, it tries to avoid too much publicity, so before the air gets too hot, a few clouds would drift over and pour down their blessings.  The nurturing combination of shine and rain has painted every hill and valley green.  The wavy landscape and winding roads of NY state are slowly growing on me.  My parents have developed this healthy habit of taking walks outside after dinner, rain or shine or snow, and this temperature now is just perfect for it, though everytime a small skirmish would take place between my mom and dad over whether to bring an umbrella for the road.  Sometimes we would be walking outside right after a small shower, and the rainbow would remind me of God's covenant with Noah.  Today we let the umbrella rest at home, and half way through our walk, dark and thick clouds mixed with lightening started flying our way.  The originally bright world outside darkened over just minutes.  We fastened our steps - the usual leisurely walk turned into a shuffling run as the darkness and thundering chased after us, it felt almost like a scene from the War of the Worlds.  I wasn't afraid of being wet, but the gloominess of the overcast sky and the austerity of the thunder and lightening demanded my respect, maybe even fear.  Luckily, the big rain drops only started pouring after we reached the safety of home.  Sometimes people write stories without any "point" to it, I guess this is one =P

I wish the feeling of being done would last forever - maybe that's what the new heaven and new earth will be for, no more struggling, no more ladders to climb, no more battles to fight, and God would smile and say, well done my good servant - but until then, the satisfaction of being done only lasts until the next project, next step, next phase in life, though I must rejoice and give thanks for what God has already brought me through. 

If I went to a liberal arts college I should've been a history major - I love old people telling old stories about old things in the old times.

Trying something new with Posterous.com

Posted via email from gracejoy's posterous

1) I have seen a lot of disgusting things this year - people popping out babies, people's insides spilling out, people getting eyeball surgery... but nothing has made me cringe as much as seeing a limb bend and flop where it's not supposed to and feeling the broken pieces grind against each other...

2) people's legs are heavy! having to hold people's legs up while a cast is being put on just kills me - every 30 seconds my resident would turn to me and remind me to lift up a little higher.

3) this will sound very wrong and cannibalistic, but bones and cartilages and tendons just remind me too much of food - you'll know what i mean if you eat things like chicken feet and pig's feet.

4) so that i don't have to compete against heffer =P

I do kind of like ortho - mostly because it's straight forward, you also get to play with power tools and be a full blown surgeon, though i would never fit in. 
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At the end of 3rd year, I've decided that not everything for which I get yelled at is because of my fault - it's a late but necessary realization.  Note to future 3rd years - you may find it necessary to frequently remind yourselves of why you went into medicine in the first place and stay true to your ideal because you'll find that there are too many forces pulling you in too many directions.  Never cease to pray.
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Maybe I should use an alias - I'm trying to find a sublease in July at UNC for orientation before my program officially starts, and I got an email from a potential roommate with a one liner that cracked me up - "just wanted to clarify since I wasn't totally sure from your name, are you male or female?"

anyone with connections at UNC?
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PM&R/physiatry?